Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?
11.06.2025 04:00
What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.
But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.
I had run out of hope.
How did you get to be a leftist?
What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.
For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.
Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.
Why do so many autistic adults deal with self-hatred?
It’s here now, writing to you.
It’s still here.
But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.
AMC Theaters to Run Even More Commercials Before Movies Play - Bloomberg.com
Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.
And the sadness?
I was tired of trying and failing.
In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.
It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.
You are like me, then.
What would you do if you found out that someone had broken into your home while you were sleeping?
It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.
Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.
Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.
40 Father’s Day Gifts He’ll Wanna Brag About - BuzzFeed
So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”
Be who you already are.
You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.
How can someone effectively handle a targeted individual?
It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.
Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.
I was tired of fighting.
Have you ever been physically attacked by a demon?
When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.
This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.
So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.
Do married men know when their wives are having affairs?
It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.
The sadness was still there.